Isolation or Solitude?

2012-02-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

why pursue something I can't achieve....T.T...things don't seem right...I think I should let it go because pursuing will not get me anywhere....=(....emo emo emo.....

2012-02-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

If only things needn't be so complicated.......T.T

2012-02-06T15:28:00.001+08:00

Glad that I managed to bury the hatchet the other day....trust me it took a whole lot of courage, well at least my conscience is clear right now and I hopefully know the path Im taking.

I need not put up a face anymore. I can just be myself....=)=)...Thats the best outcome anyone would have wished for, well at least it was for me.....=)

Feared the worst but things did not turn out too bad......

2012-02-01T14:31:00.001+08:00

Gotta be strong.....dont go home too often...!!!...

Try to be more independant!!!

Missing your company...wanna see you soon again........=(=(=(....haih....cant wait till you finally graduate as well....boooooooooooo

2012-01-14T21:12:00.001+08:00

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They wont stop 'til they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
Money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?
Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV's
While kids are starving in the streets
No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something

something is wrong
Is everybody going Crazy?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

2012-01-14T20:41:00.002+08:00

Back from an awesome trip at Kota Kinabalu....did a hell of alot of stuff...haha...

However.. this is not what this post is gonna be about. I just wanna reiterate that life is extremely unfair!!! people can just not do these kinda things........FUCKING unfair you hear me...!!! think of how people would feel.........to be dropped with a bombshell like this.....

I feel like keeeeeeling someone right now......had to go for a jog to keep my emotions in check...

It's not really about the consequences of 'that' particular action, but it is more about how unfair things can be when you dont deserve it/ or when you are just doing your job perfectly well....

Seriously, I thought 'that' would be the last thing that would happen..hell I did not even give a thought about it....only to have to hear it when i just got back today.....what a shock this all is....!!

Think about someone who has worked soooo bloody hard all his life and you just let him go like this.....idiots i tell you!..sure...pave the way for youngsters.........why dont you fly my kite insetad!!!!

2011-12-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

You know..the moment you start behaving like a normal individual( although your mind is messed up inside), the more I can treat you like a normal friend and actually want to do things with you....

I have had to be so cautious to say things to you. Don't you think it screws me up as well?...We are on holidays god damn it.....It's not that I dont wanna help you or anything. I wouldn't mind lending a helping hand, but not in this state when you just shoot down all my thoughts.

It would be great it you could act normal and give me a chance to just be myself, and not to have to 'evaluate' you like a 'subject under scrutiny' or some sort of walking chaos....

Im not pissed off or anything. I just dont see this going anywhere with you being so negative around everyone. Like what you said "it drives people away'..Im sure You wouldnt like that. Neither would I to see you suffer in silence....

I acknowledge that youre ill inside. And I will not be able to understand you the way you understand yourself. But Im just saying that , you need to give the people a chance to have some sort of closure with you......and not just blurt out everything negative.....It is a major 'put off' i tell you....

Honestly; how I wish I could just slap all that shit and stone cold out of your mind.....you need help man.....but you need to give people that 'desire' to help you as a friend.....and not as a 'patient'........

Im sorry if you stumble across this post. But on the other hand, if you do happen to read this, it might just trigger some light in you....

2011-12-18T16:59:00.001+08:00

So disappointed with the camera.....arghh........should have done more research before purchasing.......=(....

2011-12-16T12:49:00.003+08:00

You people should seriously stop posting how happy you are regarding your results.......

Just keep it to yourselves goddamn it....like I said, how do you think the people who didnt make it through would feel by reading that piece of statement?....I would be akin to just rubbing it in their faces'...

For heavens sake..........gawrshhhh....

If youre happy that you passed the exam, you dont have to announce it to everyone do you?

2011-11-26T00:49:00.001+08:00

Seriously people....you guys dont have to go around rejoicing on facebook......You passed...good for you.....can you imagine how the others would feel had they gotten it?....

Just keep it to your damn selves............seriously........

Would you like it if you were the latter group?

2011-11-21T20:48:00.001+08:00

Why am i feeling so irritable these few days?..hmms......is it because I feel im too smart or what?......aihs...havent actually felt this way in a long time....This is badddd...get it out of your mind tj..on another note, heres something for those who frequent here occasionally..=)

Doctor's salary( not sure of the sources). Enjoy:-
http://recom.org/forum/showthread.php?t=1600&page=11

Am I?

2011-11-13T21:23:00.003+08:00

Am I ready for this commitment?....

I never thought I would dwell too deep into this. But it seems that now Im in this altogether. I did not know how to react when you made that statement that night. Though I was tipsy inside, but the sane part of me was still wide awake and it kept me thinking. Am I ready to shoulder such huge responsibilities?

I know, that there are many people around who can help to lift the weight off. But will everyone be there for each other in hard times?...I really wanna help....but I'm just afraid that my life would crumble should I claim the responsibility. Judging from happened throughout this whole year, I dont think Im capable one bit.

Oh nooooessss...... what will happen then....

be strong tj, be strong....

Just hope that everyone would help in this when the time comes...=(

2011-11-07T12:57:00.003+08:00

People might be angry if they see this post, but this is my blog and i'll post up the way I want it.

It's causing so much of distress towards me. It's unfair already to even be making that statement, as there are others who have gone through so much more. Just imagining how Im feeling now and multiply it by a huge number..it sums up to how the others will be feeling. I know that I shouldnt even be posting this us, but there has to be a way for me to just let it all dissipate.

No doubt I might not truly understand what is going on, but it is just terrible.....I feel like a balloon waiting to rupture inside. Ironically too, I think I'm least involved in this.

I dont wanna be judgemental and make comments on recent actions, perhaps what happened was all justified. Fine by me.

Screw the mind.......I hate it, for it plays tricks on all of us subtlely but is a silent killer........how nice life would be if everything was logical. and with nothing to screw with us.......I hate it that you are hurt......that 'this' has consumed you so much....I truly symphatize with you.....even though Im least involved.

I hate the mind...........its the cause of everything...and everything, good or bad stems from this.......

arghhhhhhh.......theres only so much I can say here......so yeah.....

you better take care of yourself......

2011-11-05T10:29:00.001+08:00

Lets do thissssss!!!!!!!!....Just a few more days left.......come on...

Psyching meself up....XD

2011-10-31T21:00:00.002+08:00

If only life was never as complicated, we would all be just fine......

does everything have to be this melancholic?.....

2011-10-26T10:55:00.002+08:00

I should seriously stop hurting people and stop making broken promises T.T....though I know it wasnt really my fault to begin with, but nevertheless I shouldn't keep up ones hopes too high yet to just let it all come crashing down in an instance . 'like a bombshell' if you like.

It was a really rash decision. I succumbed to my gut feelings...and didn't let my mind rationalize. In that process, I disrupted the daily activites of 2 really important people. They treated me well...yet i dropped a bombshell.

Gotta get my butt back down south to set things right......

be positive j.......=)

2011-10-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

I wanna pass me exam.....!!!!!!!! please let me do so.........

2011-10-18T12:12:00.001+08:00

please go away.....the thoughts of going home........just 1 more month...get the job doneeeee!!!

2011-10-09T16:41:00.003+08:00

Arghhhh!!!!!!!!......Aku stress nie.......never ending learning....literally....XD

-compose yourself tj-....deep breaths......

2011-09-24T13:02:00.002+08:00

I:-

belong with groups of people who study

feel good studying (though I feel lazy)

just wanna be a normal person who comes home early and sleeps normally

dont wanna be a nocturnal animal...

Parties, wine and booze aint the life I want....I can do so much more ,with much better productivity compared to those...

Need to get my life in focus..!!!!!.....where I belong...with books and intellect and sports....

Get a grip on life TJ.....you are much more than what you have been recently......

2011-09-23T02:55:00.001+08:00

down...deep and blue...searching for a light that will show me the path to clear my burdens...

Double Whammy

2011-09-16T09:45:00.001+08:00

I ought to just smash my head on the wall....T.T...i was supposed to be elated, why this????

To a dear friend of mine....=)

2011-09-08T00:41:00.001+08:00

Please check your email......=)=)....you know who you are...heehee.....-wuzzles-

2011-09-03T21:49:00.001+08:00

2011-09-03T21:05:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's time to go back to JB.

2011-09-03T01:42:00.002+08:00

Smart la you tj?.....what the hell were you even thinking?....What a way to end your 1 week of holidays........T.T. Not only did you hurt one, you caused a massive chain reaction, how much stupider can you get.....

............."who do you think you are...running round leaving scars...".......

stupid boy............

Cross country=)

2011-08-21T10:10:00.018+08:00

Saturday was such a great day. The day before, I felt apprehensive as to Saturday's activities. Not only will it take up the whole day but it would be physically and mentally taxing as well. Me, being the study boy during the weekends obviously felt reluctant to go. However, it was well worth it.=)

Woke up hesitantly at 6.15 am in preparation to go to NUS for an Inter-university Sports Tournament. Luckily, didn't feel so groggy anymore after taking a quick shower.haha...met up with kieron and jasmine at the lobby and we commenced walking to the clinical school under a nice morning breeze. Met up with everyone else (appprox 30 people), hopped onto the bus and then left for Singapore...haha...we passed through customs and had out passports chopped etc. Though there were some problems clearing customs here and there, we still managed to enter S'pore much to my delight.

I gotta tell you, Singapore never fails to amaze me. The transition in environment from Malaysia to Singapore was crystal clear. From the change in 'language on the road signs' to the quality of roads..haha.....amazing how small a country is able to produce such great results.=).

NUS was huge!!!! It was literally like UM but of course way cleaner and also friendlier. haha....they had cultural centres, each faculty had its 'territory', and also a huge 'Sports and Recreation centre; for students and staff to use..
Lets look at some pictures..haha....better imagination no?

Main Entrance to NUS

NUS Cultural Centre, i think its a museum...=)

Yusok Ishak House, where we met up with the NUS representatives, Lawrence & Sam..its basically like a glorified cafeteria....oh..they have subway delifrance etc as well..

The Sports & Recreation Centre, where the games were being held...scroll down for more pictures of this centre..

Gym...i think they have multiple gyms..but this is the only one I saw yesterday

Olympic Size Swimming Pool....!!!

Basketball courts

Tennis courts

They even have a building for indoor sports...+)

* Please note the pictures above were taken from http://justsmalltalk.wordpress.com/2011/04/06/nus-sports-and-recreation-centre-src/
Just because I was stupid enough not to bring my camera.Credits to the writer of this blog..haha..I stumbled across the pictures while 'googling images'XD

Well, we won all 3 of our games namely, basketball, futsal, and football. Though I was just 'calefe-ing' at the stands taking photos of em playing, I really had so much fun...haha. Mid-way through the sports, some of us even went to Orchard Road for the sake of having some lunch. Man..as you know, the famous Orchard Road always gives me the feeling as if Im at the Times Square in the US. haha...atmosphere was awesome with shops selling branded goods to food stalls to uncles and aunties selling those 'waffle ice-creams at the road-side'.=) We had a brief Japanese lunch at Takashimaya before heading back to NUS once again.

Man...NUSNUS....hahahhaha...we boarded the bus again and headed back home after that to JB. Although there was a massive jam, luckily there a specific allocated for busses, hence we managed to bypass most of the jammed parts..haha...how lucky we were....=)

Overall Singapore was an awesome trip. Though I didn;t get to study at all the whole day, it was well worth it.' Screw study day'!!!..hahahah...and no regrets as well because got to see new places, take a break from studies and met amazing people!!!. The NUS medical students were really nice and accomodating towards us. Which made us feel so welcome over there. Oh, I also forgot to mention that they presented souvenirs to those who took part. They even got a 2Gb pendrive with special designs..haha...some even had a surgeon as the 'skin'.=)

Oh...credits to Gan Huey Ting for organizing this whole friendly match with NUS and also extending the invitation to me and Jasmine. I had a great time.=)

haha......of course I still love my alma mater Monash.=)...hahahaha...

The day wasn't over yet as we all went home, took a qick shower and headed over to Berkat's children's home for a Mooncake Festival with the kids. Though we arrived late, they still greeted us warmly. The kids were sooo nice. haih...I wish I could have spent more time with them. I bough Monopoly deal for the older kids to play and a few of us were in the midst of teaching them how to play, when it was time to leave...=(..oh well..guess we need to wait for 2 weeks before going back there again...

For those who dont know,' Berkat's Children's Home' is a home in which a few of us medical students at Monash visit every weekend on Saturdays to just spend time with the less fortunate children. Some were victims of abuse, some abandoned but in this home, all were treated as a family. They do things together, study together and some are really up to date as well. Most have facebook accounts etc..hahahhaha.

So yeah, we went there yesterday night to celebrate mooncake festival with them. There was catered food, and a performance by one of the children. Man...she could play the guitar just by learinng it through the internet.=). Also, some of them went out for a lantern walk around the neighbourhood...We even bought gifts for each child. The look on their faces as they opened up their gifts made me smile and feel touched. How happy they were and shy at the same time. For me, I bought the Monopoly deal card gamefor the older kids.=)

How I wish though I could finish teaching them how to play it. Since it was for 6 players, I felt that it was a good gift to get them. We left kinda early at 10.30 because it was way past their usual bedtime of 9am.hahaha...

Heres a picture of all of us to conclude this post.....=)

href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MGrGtbV7Ifo/TlB7YY07C5I/AAAAAAAAAN0/UHB074kwH2M/s1600/IMG_0457%255B1%255D.JPG">

See my sunburned face from the day's activities under the sun...

However, it was a day well spent indeed......XDXD.....

Life is indeed beautiful and I quote a dear friend of mine...'choose to be happy'....=)

2011-08-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

Soweeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............I wasn't pushing you away that night.....usually when I hear your voice dampen, I always thought you wanted to go to bed already....thats why I said goodnight abruptly......=(....T.T

Memento

2011-07-18T01:14:00.003+08:00

It started out on a fine summer's day, when the sun was blazing above our heads. I hurried and cursed under my breath as I checked the watch attached on my right wrist. 1.50 the hands pointed to the face. "Shit, I'm gonna be late" I monologued as I stared at the mirror hanging on the toilet wall. Hastily, I bid my parents goodbye and hopped hurriedly towards the car. Upon turning at the junction, a small feeling of guilt gripped me as I saw a white 'Viva' parked along the side of the kerb. She got in and we were off.....=)

We walked and tried to kill some time while waiting for the movie to screen. Along the way, we bought a small 'Stitc'h which could be hung on car windows. She loved 'him/her' so much that I wanted to get it for her...hahahha. After that, we looked at books, football jerseys, and shoes. Oh.....I got a birthday present tooo....hahahahha....and I love it a lot...it's too bad that they didnt have a fitting room over there, otherwise it would be just perfect.=).

The movie screened at 4.30. We went in a lil bit earlier to catch some trailers.haha...honestly, there were more advertisements than trailers but nvm. The seats were awesome I must admit although it was the third row from the front. Didnt really need to move our heads too much throughout the movie. Honestly, I felt the movie was nothing short of excellent. Hats off to its director and cast for it was 2 hours well spent. Action packed and chair gripping anticipation was what filled me. Towards the end though, I felt melancholic. Boooo......I grew up with harry potter, haha...and it has been 10 years since the first movie hit the golden screen. Now, a decade down the road, 'it all ends here'. And how much more have we grown, not to mention the cast as well.hahahha.

I felt so happy though after the movie because it was great company. I got to watch it with you...hahaha...and it Is Harry Potter so what more could i ask for...hahaha...I have always wanted to catch this with you, and I glad I did....=)....

We then freshened up and started walking around a lil bit...=) went straight into puzzle world where I felt like taking up puzzle making during the hols. Since she liked it so so much, I felt that doing puzzles was a nice and good way to spend time.=)=)...Only catch was that puzzles are rather expensive.haha...While walking though, I suggested places for dinner randomly. hahaha.....She seemed kinda alright with my suggestions. As we walked, I contemplated further as to where to go for food. We stopped by plushie shops and also accessory shops. They sold really cute disney merchandise. Some were alo really unique.hahahaha...so tempted to buy something.

We then continued walking and passed TGIF. There was quite a long queue and to be honest there was this tall girl among those in the line who was quite obvious to spot. It wasnt because she was hot or anything, but very seldom do we see someone as tall as that.ahahah.....I took her hand and started to walk away as TGIF never crossed our minds...

She somehow didnt really budge which kinda forced me to turn back. I saw Kean Boon and Shyuan appearing.....-big whoop-...then I saw Min Tze and Chong Yong....lalalallala....-hungry la-....next was Hema -what is going on?-....and finally Vanessa, Nicole and Beng Ho...- why so farniee wan?-.....
WAIT!!!!! -why suddenly got 2 cameras wan leh?-

-why are you all smiling?-....hmmmmm

-Shuang, Shyuan, KB, Min Tze, Chong Yong, Hema, Van, Nic , Beng Ho...-......this aint right.....!!!!.....

Shock shock shock...I looked left and right, right then left...haha...it struck me but it didnt strike me....hahaha...confused I was -nodnod-...they turned and pushed me inside......

As I walked inside only I started to get my senses back...hahaha...we sat down at a long table someplace at the back....cameras were on. with flashes...eyes fixed upon me.....my eyes scrutinized the place not knowing how to react......

The menu's came....and we ordered...hahaha.....

-She had been messaging a lot earlier, walking around in circles-...why hadnt it occured to me earlier...?....these people are good......or was I just oblivious?

Who would have suspected that a surprise would be thrown for them 2 weeks before their actual birthday?....So I guess i could be forgiven ....hahahahha....

We ate, had a few embarrassing moments courtesy of TGIF...cut the cake.. and agreed to head to my place.......hahaha...I bid farewell to a MinTze and Chong Yong who couldnt make it as it was pretty late. As for the rest of us...we contineud part 2 over at my place...hahahah.....had some snacks here and there and talked a bit bout stuff...

My Feelings:
Shocked, shocked shocked. I didnt know how to express myself over at that point. It took quite some time for it to sink in. Even then, I was still disoriented and when asked to give a speech, felt I didnt do a good job. But anyway, I was so grateful to everyone who could make it. Although , I knew that there were about 3 different groups who actually never met each other, they still attended the dinner which was really meaningful to me.=)

Thanks so much for coming and giving a hell of a surprise...hahah..and also for making my early 21st a memorable one. XDXD.. You guys are awesome.....I hope everyone had fun as well that night...making new friends in the process....

sorry sorry for creating holes in your pockets though...hahah...I tried ordering something cheaper you know.....=0.....

Thanks Min Tze, Chong Yong and Soon Leng for turning up and pretending nothing happened...I really loved the present...haha...something I can use=).....oh....btw...there was another price tag in which you guys forgot to remove..hahaha...shhhhhhhhh...we must definitely relive our dog moments......=-woof-

Thanks Hema for turning up. Even after so many years.......man.......Im really happy to hear that you made it to the dean''s list and are doing well..hahaha....XD....you deserve it...

Thank you Van, Nic and Beng Ho for being so awesome as to show up even though you guys were busy with something else....=)..I know for a fact that Shuang has great friends like all of you...Oh...hahaha...I shall commence wearing the ties tomorrow..hahaha....I love the designs..

Kudos to Shyuannie and KB for helping Shuang plan this whole thing...=)...though you guys needn't do it,...I appreciate everything you have done.....Ps: pleae dont play with wheelchairs..hahahahahaah....you guys are like the next closest to me...hahaha....that means a lot...=)..consider yourselves lucky...jkjk...=)

Lastly, to my other half whom I have known deeper and deeper as the days go by.....you really did a hell of a great job....pulling it off ......=)=)=)...you did it this time.....XD.......words cannot describe how I feel when you are just there beside me........Thank you so so much.........ily shuang........

TJ July 2011........

2011-07-14T22:55:00.002+08:00

You Failed...........that struck me in the head.T.T

I was alright initially, and made no fuss over it until more and more people come back and I heard that they did so well..........emoo...

Is this jealousy or a feeling of incompetency?......

Oh well....I guess I had better have a good think about this before more events like this happen.....

HomeXD

2011-07-03T16:09:00.003+08:00

I think I had too good a life back home in Kl until I feel JB is a hell-hole=). My level of tolerance of that place is sooo low. Wait. Or maybe Im just a pampered lil boy?...

At home, everything is planned out. Over there, we gots to do things ourselves to survive. Oh well, at least being back in Kl after just 1 week makes me feel more calm before I go back there again...

Loving home.....=)

A tutor once said 'Home is a place where you want to leave when you are there, and where you want to go back to when you are away'.....

Partially true in my case......

I Ran in a Run..XD

2011-06-27T13:36:00.003+08:00

I had an awesome experience yesterday ; running 10 km in a marathon in which we enrolled for. We woke up incredibly early as we did not want to miss the bus and managed to reach the destination in the wee hours of Sunday morning.....I have to admit pal...I was feeling rather sleepy when we were sitting on the pavement before the start line....but the adrenaline started secreting as we were walking towards the start line..hahahahaha..

Honestly, my tummy and bladder weren't feeling quite right during the first few minutes. But the rain and the awesome feeling of running with you next to me....and the sense of fun running with thousands to green shirted peeps made me put all those aside....We ran and ran( jogged actually) past some people..looking as km after km passed by in a jizz...Before we knew it, the finish line beckoned after about an hour later....

To be honest, I would not have ran or even had the energy to run if it wasn't for my running partner...The sheer power and determination made me persevere....and thank goodness we both crossed the line at the same time...Looks like 2 weeks worth of early morning practise allowed us to run freely. It paid off!!!

Now i know what the term ' having a running partner' meant because true enough, I did not realize my full potential if I didnt have a running partner...hahaha... kudos to you...-hugs-

Here's to more runs and early morning exercises kay.......XDXD

Need 3 weeks before I get to see you again...oh well.....I shall see you soon kay.....

PS: gahhh....if only I could study in KL or seremban...hahahaha

The broken road that led me straight to you....XD

2011-06-20T20:45:00.002+08:00

While watching all 3 previous prequels to this 4th installment of Pirates of the Carribean...it occured to me especially when watching the 3rd movie...

Back in 2007, sometime in May we watched the 3rd installment together....it made me smile that 4 years later,here we are again watching the 4th installment....XD while some people have already moved on, here we are again side by side admiring how Captain Jack Sparrow struts his stuff on screen...

A long way we have come...through bumpy and rocky roads in between...but we are still here arent we?....I wasn't the best of people at times, but frankly, I appreciate the patience in you...

Had a great outing today, too bad the camera didn't do its job well..oh well, perhaps tomorrow we can snap a few quality pictures...XD...Yogurt in particular was awesome wasn't it?...heehee

Speaking on movie prequels and sequels.....Harry Potter next?....XDXD

2011-06-15T12:06:00.002+08:00

Learning never stops...be it in the classroom, bedside....or even in personal relationships with loved ones and friends.....

You learn better when things make sense.....

Thats what happened today....

2011-06-05T11:33:00.003+08:00

I dont know whats wrong. I am kept in the dark with no one to turn to.....Time passes ever so slowly over here....I just want to go back home to you.....

What happened the whole of last week?....Initially I believed it to be something that could be resolved in a short while, but after seeing the message .......I was stunned.....everything has gone from bad to worse?....

I need to dread another 5 more days over here before even going back home. and yet, I still might not know what actually transpired....It's true......it went downhill since our 'sms misunderstanding', but that happens every now and then doesnt it?...how come its so different this time round.

Although I think that has some role to play here, but it is not the only issue right now.......problem is....what?......

haih..........

I feel shitty inside....Im pretty sure you feel that way too.....haih.......what is going on?.............

2011-06-03T16:09:00.002+08:00

Exam was crazy.........

GAHHHH!!!

Sad.....

2011-06-02T13:03:00.003+08:00

Feeling not too good right now...and its always due to exams...haih....though it is only a formative assessment, its literally an exam that would reflect my performance in the finals...haih........no chance of revisiting the postings any longer...

I feel so incompetent....its like, I dont feel any substantial improvements as compared to Y2. Throw me in the wards, I would still be as lost as can ever be. People have always said that we should know just about 'EVERYTHING' about that posting once we have completed it.....I could scoff that that comment. I dont see myself being close to that level anytime soon....haih.....

Perhaps it's just me comparing myself to others and also heeding others' words.....I dont know......Somehow...I am not in control over my studies......worse part is......I still dont know how to sort out this issue.......

Have I wasted 4 months of my medical posting?...........=( T.T................

On a separate note......I wish somehow you didn't have to be caught in this situation....I feel so inhibited not being able to be by your side......haih.......

Wishing a miracle can turn everything around....

2011-05-31T09:42:00.001+08:00

Can i just go home and be by your side?.....I would if it were not for the assessments.....ish....

Gotta wait it out for another 1 + weeks......

oh well.....haih

2011-05-21T21:14:00.002+08:00

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Studying for exam stress.....I seriously need some helpul tips on how to tackle the exam!!!! shit weii.

The best stress relief is coming home to KL....I would literally be pulling my hair out if I were to stay in JB longer than 3 weeks...haha...the downside over here is that...KL is too homely and too cosy for me to actually open the books...haha

Had a super awesome day today with you.!! Everything from the food to the movie was great!!! We watched 'Fast and Furious 5'. Was initially disappointed because we couldnt get to watch Pirates. Imagine all showing times were extremely full for the whole day despite the fact we arrived at 10.30 just to buy tickets...haha......man...Mid Valley was packed with movie enthusiasts...haha...

The show started off a bit slow and complicated but it soon developed into a brilliant masterpiece...Thanks to you for explaining and guiding me through the movie...I usually get lost during these more 'deep' movies. Ovrall, it was indeed awesome!..

Walking in Mid Valley and the shops outside made me feel like I was on holiday.!! Tall, high buildings, modernized an full of cars and activities was just what I| have been wanting to feel since JB. And what a bonus to be able to do it all with you....=)

haha...Thanks for recommending Nyonya Colours too.....food was great!!..hahaha...wished you ate more though...=)
I had a greatttt timeeee......haih...........why did I have to go to JB...

PS:..how to stardiieeeee.....?

Random post I know....

2011-05-08T17:12:00.002+08:00

heehee....am loving my house mates more and more right now....somehow we are able to get things done fast and our teamwork is just admirable....was really surprised that we can get things done.....after dividing our tasks among each other...as people say....now we can kill 3 birds with one stone....

Someone once said that we are cute....for being able to cook almost every single day...well I guess it's coz we know what we wanna do...and hence...in the long run....save more time than actually driving out to look for food....

haha......am loving every single moment with the 2 jokers...I always tell myself....how can I live in this crazy town without these 2 people...coming home from school to see the 2 people moving about at home just makes me feel less bored and adds some spice to life...

Imagine coming home to an empty house...looking at books and the comp....hahaha...not for me....love those 2 jokers...hahaha..though they bully me at times...ishish...haha

Wishing someone could be here tooo.......

2011-05-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm......why do you have that much of a pull towards me?....heehee....

Every single night.....certain times of the day....and most of all...when I'm home alone here.......

wishing you could be here.........

Tj-kins

2011-05-01T12:00:00.002+08:00

It is these moments when you are the best.....hahaha......

how could i have not heard the alarm at all?.....

thanks for waking me....and for being so understanding....-hugs-XDXDXD

2011-04-25T13:09:00.002+08:00

I wish I never had to leave you and go far far away.......it just makes me feel so vulnerable and unstable when I dont see you in awhile....everytime I come, I feel so so glad to be able to just spend some time with you....

I dont mind that the hours are short.......being with you.....feeling familiar and close to someone after a few weeks literally brings me back to 'sanity' ie: life is not all about studies.....=)=)......You are more than studies...

I tell myself....why study so much at the expense of your own health and life?......why study and know everything when we cannot share happiness and joy with others....why?...hence....tentatively..my mind set ish simple?..study hard right now.....and take it more relaxed in the future.....

On calls, patient's well being, they will all have to come second to family.....=)=)-winks-...

I ish wish you were here twooo.........this place is literally sick....hahahaha.....

2011-04-09T01:44:00.003+08:00

This whole week was rather productive....WEEEE...thank goodness...been slacking my butt off, haha....still trying to find a routine schedule that I can actually follow....ish

This was the first week back in the Medical wards since the Dermatology posting, going back to the wards made me feel down initially....entering the gloomy and ungygienic corridors- you know the description-...but somehow, I guess the 2 week break from the Medical wards allowed me to catch my breath....now I hope to be able to say that I am going back to the medical wards with a whole new mind set....Instead of clerking patients for the sole purpose of obtaining a history, I realized that by actually listening to them and deviate away from the formalities, the whole experience of clerking patients take son a whole new dimension. Also, by this so called rapport, i figured that the clinical history makes much more sense.....Too bad this would be the last week I would be D4, for from now on...we will be shifting over to a female ward...=S

The housemen in the previous wards were really helpful and they could literally understand what we are going through......And also, these housemen, no doubt being doctors, give me the impression that I could actually loosen up and treat them as someone approachable unlike the specialists and medical officers....haha...
My peers have said that the female ward is a lot more interesting and the staff are also really friendly...well only time can tell next week...haha....hopefully the 'intergender' communication would allow me to be more comfy with the people there.....

This week also....I had an experience performing venepunctures....XDXDXD....the nurses in the clinic were absolutely friendly. They even called us 'doctors'. I cant imagine how patient they were when we endlessly failed looking for a vein....Poor first few patients who had their arms poked and poked and poked by us dear young meddies...haih...oh well.....we are the vampires....ish ish....after awhile though the whole procedure became more clear and I actually felt more confident after a while......Oh did I mention that really old patients and those who were overweight posed a lot of problems as it was absolutely difficult looking for a vein...haha.....left those to the senior nurses though...

Oh Oh....we all also had a chance to witness a postmortem.....haha...this was where the whole eerie story starts...:-

A friend of mine called the mortuary to enquire if there were any post mortems being conducted....fortunately there was one yesterday....Too bad for her, she and her group had a class which clashed with the post mortem time...she was so so kind however to give me a call and inform us about the post mortem being done.....once again Ming Lee, thank you so much....=)

The follwing section aint for the queezy.....

we walked towards the mortuary.....and entered the compounds......I recalled her saying that we needed to go to the office within the mortuary.....me and my smart idea forced us to open the door that we first noticed in front of us. Got a small shock when i saw them embalming and preparing a body to be put into the casket after a postmortem.....damn how disrespectful was I to just open the door and pop my head in while they were making the necessary preparations......ish ish.....

We then proceeded to the officer finally and introduced ourselves stating our intentions....the officer then asked us to wait...which we did before allowing us to enter another corridor.....Generally..........the whole atmosphere there was eerie and cold and spooky....somehow..Its like those typical old scary hospital kinda outlook...anyway...We were instructed to get into a gown and to cover ourselves with the appropriate wears.....after awhile....the officer called us into the autopsy room....damn oh damn oh damn...

I had actually witnessed a post mortem in the past once...but that was after they had dissected eerything out...this time....the body was fresh on the table....haih..I shant describe the procedure as it was rather gory and also the feeling aint nice...basically...they 'butchered' up the body to find the cause of death....It is these times when I really believe that whatever anatomy that we are learning actually is true.....=) The organs when dissected out looked exactly similar to those in the text books....hahaha.....every single one......not a really nice thing to see when they actually removed EVERYTHING from the body.....and put EVERYTHING back inside before suturing the body when they were done.....imagine burying a body in which everything inside had been 'man handled per se'...they literally put the organs in a plastic bag and stuffed it back inside....

We then managed to get a signature of acknowledgement in the end...phew...I would never wanna see an autopsy again if necessary....scary.........

hahahaha.....sorry for the scare....

Oh well...its 2.05 am now.....and waiting for someone to come home.......haih haih....am missing you....sometimes before I go to bed....I really do wish you would be somewhere nearby........mmmm.....I also feel that I can sense a lil bit of you every now and then....just lil things that trigger a part of my brain....which recalls you........

2011-04-03T14:53:00.002+08:00

Derm posting was so much fun and what an enlightening experience it was....so many cases to see...some very mind opening..others plain disgusting.....but all the while, the whole 2 weeks experience somehow tipped me over the balance towards the derm side of medicine...=)

If only there werent so many molecular physiologies to the disease,,it would just be ideal..laid back....spot diagnoses etc....damn....=) Even had the chance to do a biopsy...not that I succeded but still...The whole posting beats running around in the wards clerking patients. This time, the doctors recognize us by our names, actually teach us and give us the chance to do some procedures....

Stupid wards....=( Back to the wards once again tmrw haihz..-nodnod-

To a dear friend of mine,

Missing you like mad..........though I got to see you for a short while yesterday....hoped I could see you longer......T.T......haih haih.....

Glad you had fun though at the prom.....=)

Would be some time again before I come back again...haih...the next time....me ish wanna go out somewhere with you........

Me will twy to be strong over there....but no wowwies.....the internet shall be my saviour.....

Missing you.........

Lost at sea......

2011-03-23T21:11:00.002+08:00

Is it just me?...Why do I not look forward to going to the wards?....and even study for that matter?

The other day, someone told me that they loved and looked forward going to the wards.....which left me thinking if I actually didnt have the passion in the first place?....damn...I find myself looking at my watch every hour or so hoping it is time for lunch...And honestly , I dont find myself learning much while in the ward...

Somehow, I prefer the old method of teaching in which everything was guided and we were spoon fed..=(...Lectures no doubt boring and sleep-inducing, gave me a nice guideline on what to study...Hell..I only needed to study the lecture notes actually...Right now..everything is soo vast....I dont even know what I need to read and study....I see people...discussing here and there..looking at books, wishing I could be like them..to have the passion for medicine...all I do is mope and hope and pray that the information will come without me going to the wards...

I shoudl be settled down by now...has been almost 2 months here..yet I still dont like the environment...

It is not helping that the nurses and doctors dont even acknowledge our presence....(not that I can blame them)...how in the world can I learn anything if Im dropped off in the middle of the sea to be fed by the sharks?...

It is also not really helping that the tutors have all different styles of teaching..so much so that I become lost....on how exactly to go about a case...

sads...sads...sads.....

If only...the lecture format could come back..and if only..there could be so much more guidance for us...=(

as in....telling us what to do and the learning objectivres for each session..instead of just randomly clerking cases learning almost nothing....

GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......wth

You'll Be In My heart

2011-03-20T21:52:00.002+08:00

Has anyone here felt so mushy that they get teary-eyed when they listen to a song that reminds them of something....odidnt expect that to happen..but looking at the music video and realizing the lyrics have so much in common with me made me so so mushy and warm inside....

It is during these moments that I realize that Medicine is just a small thing in life....there are so many more important things....life...family....friends....the earleir we all realize it the better....going into the glum looking wards....and looking at endless medical jargon..not to mention the incredibly depressing black and white figures of Radiological images....life is meant to be so much more colourful than just all these....

It doesnt matter what the tutors say ......I need some time to myself.....just reflecting on life.....you and me.....etc.....life is just so much more beautiful that way...XD I dont know bout you guys..but I guess medicine is indeed not everything right now....

Family and life....is whats more important...quote- Joanna Kang-..

haha......so right now..as most people are studying ....its time to watch football...XDXD

You'll be in my heart LPS...............family.....XD

2011-03-19T10:12:00.003+08:00

Had quite an okay week...started off pretty well coming back re-energized from KL last week. haha..twas the influence of the significant other in life...

back here, I seem to be getting more worried about the lack of knowledge in me thus far...so bad to not know most of the answers during class, only able to answer a small minority of em...A tutor even said " I dont understand, 1 month into the medical posting yet you all still are not there yet,...how do you all actually study". That made me pretty worried and troubled. Perhaps there is just so much to learn and it is a natural reaction of a student. But if that was so, why would the tutor strike a comment like that....haih

I feel it even when interviewing patients. No doubt, the chief complaint and HPI can be elicited, but where does that all lead to if I dont even know the causes of the Chief complaint...haih...even if I do know the causes, how to narrow down and take a good history...I personally feel that my history aint going nowhere...haih

Sorry to say I only complain and complain like a kid....I look at the books...my dear talley's and davidsons....am feeling overwhelmed by the immense facts there is...haih....wth.....5-6 pages in an hour is gonna take me ages man...not like I have a long term memory also...

Something somehow just isnt feeling right...last time...things were controlled( perhaps it was the spoon feeding). Right now...I ish lost in a sea of the word we call 'medicine'....damn damn damn...stress stress stress....

Oh well...gotta pull myself together...XD

Back down south again...

2011-03-14T00:24:00.006+08:00

Finally back in JB....ish ish..=)

Been complaining and being envious of people's study tables..hahaha.....while mine is so pathetic....well..over the weekend...dropped by Ikea to get a new table for studies....right now...no more moving and moping arnd thinking of how to improvise for a small study table...=)...

Weeeee!!!! Lookie...=)

see the new study table on the left hand side...=)

YAY!! new study table..=)

how the whole room looks like grossly..much more cosy now...hahaha

Look at the old study table...ish...>

Over the weekend as well...I got to see you....meeting you somehow reminds me of a long time ago when we first met and started this journey.......somehow....

Though times may be tough.....may we go through the whirlwinds and see each other at the end on the line once again yeah?...

I really cant see myself realistically without the person whom is you............how much of an influence you are....=)

ily........

2011-03-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

Somehow I really do wish I can read your mind like the back of my hand. I try to at least, but was never really good at it. Haih...I try but yet dont want anything to seem forced as it would be really fake. I go by the days needing support to pull through.

No longer want to rant out what happened. It does not bring us anywhere at all I guess. Only helps me recollect the incident and rationalize with myself about what truly happened and what sparked the whole thing. I should start being a "man" and not do those self pity stuff. Which is why I no longer want to monologue...

It has become clear that you hold me so close to your heart that I have the "ability" to influence your emotions. Sometimes..I can make you happy( at least I think so) but at the same time I can make you so so down.....either way I know myself that you too have the exact same influence on me.

I find it hard to type here to express myself because all that I have been wanting to say you may have probably already heard....

For one reading your blog just now told me that you had a good friend(s) whom you can confide in and whom you feel comfortable with...may she be your support all the time kays....I dont know a whole lot about your life in school...like mentioned before...Its definitely not because I dont care, but because there are too many teeny weeny details here and there that I can recall only a mere few things. I tried......

Like you mentioned....I came back because I needed you.....which I agree is absolutely true.....I wont feel disappointed this weekend....I just wish that you are alright and are in the right frame of mind for the upcoming test...haih....I want to learn from everything that youve told me and then move on step by step with you.......

-hint- Does Venus ask about my days?.....

2011-03-10T22:35:00.001+08:00

Can I be your knight in shining armour?.....

What do you do?

2011-03-09T23:40:00.002+08:00

When you are just so far apart and cannot almost do anything except phone calls...

When no one can see that youre bothered by something...

When all you want is just to hear her voice...as thats the best you can get right now....to apologize to her and her saying its alright

To find out that someone also cares for her.......

what do you do??
when things are neither here nor there...........=(

you implode......

Sorry....

2011-03-09T16:42:00.002+08:00

I really wish things would be smooth sailing....I was always initially thinking that I'm right...but after looking at your point of view......you were indeed more rational....about things....

No doubt I feel lonely here.....god only knows how much more lonely you are back there....=(

My bad.......haih......

2011-03-08T23:39:00.002+08:00

Why do you mislead me..............T.T by asking me to put down the phone......

Unfavourable conditions, and more pressing matters at that time.......=(

Neither here nor there....

2011-03-05T19:20:00.002+08:00

Clinical years oh clinical years.....how so very different it is compared to the other times...

Call me a baby or whatever you want, I dont function well not being spoon fed....haih...last time..it was all about lectures and practicals, sleep all you want in class, play truant all you want, provided you focus on these areas, and a next step closer to passing your exams you are..=)

Right now, going into the wards everyday to see the doctors and nurses who think you dont even exist, not to mention the consultants who think they are god...ish ish..self explanatory isnt it?

Everything has to be done on our own accord....haih....when you approach the lecturers to ask them about some advise...they just give you the 'cliched' answer "It is up to you how much you want to study".....I wonder what is that supposed to mean...at least spell it out for us laaaaa...

History taking is becoming a routine everyday...but whats the point if all I do is just clerk the cases and not being able to narrow down the patients' complaints to a few likely causes..As a doc would say..."80% of the time, a diagnosis is made based on the history alone".....hahahahahha.....madness isnt it?...For me, I ask the routine questions, however irrelevant they may be...but the more I ask..I feel the more complicated the case gets...and hence,..instead of narrowing it down..the outcome is just more confusion..

Not to mention the horrendous handwriting in the case notes.....WTH...hahahaha..

so many things left to learn....and the great Sir William Osler once said " Medicine is best learnt at the bedside"...hahaha...I feel like Im wasting my time there...instead of learning...I stand there breaking down fats walking idly feelinh so useless=(

Books untouched.....lying wrapped up so so nicely...haih...gotta do something about it..=(

Can't wait to see you.....................................need to be pampared......=(

2011-03-01T01:08:00.001+08:00

And they said health services in Malaysia was free......Imagine RM 1200 a week for dialysis......for someone who is grieving since his wife passed away......what nonsense is this....???

What do you expect of him now???

Malaysia oh Malaysia.......

2011-02-18T00:58:00.002+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In JB downtown,
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the ponders that I think bout you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another apartment
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even JB downtown
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

2011-02-16T15:22:00.002+08:00

I really need to pull myself together. A breather is exactly what I need from this whole place. Am not getting used to the environment over here. And also knowing that youre not feeling too happy yourself makes me all the more wanting to go back home....

I'm glad that you accept the fact that I would always be there to listen to you..vice versa when we have some issues bothering us. This does not necessarily have to be issues between the both of us, but more so stuff that we go through nowadays now that 'distance' makes us or me in particular feel all weird inside.

To be honest, I'm feeling the need to be pampered once again....Over here, every thing has to be done by yourself....most of the time..you are left to fend for yourself...Unlike back at home when things are mostly provided for you.

I somehow also feel the urge to ensure that you are doing okay back at home.....knowing that you have problems with friends and negative issues in school makes me just want to go home....hold you close.....and let you and myself see that.....things just always turn out fine when we are together side by side..hand in hand....God do I want to see you in person......Only I know how much desire I have inside me......

People used to say that doctors dont have time for relationships. I say that it is a mere generalization. Otherwise, they wouldnt be able to survive that long as doctors...Job is stressful...you see sad cases most of the time...patients suffering...only a minute amount of 'happy cases'...If doctors dont have that kind of support...how in the world can they tolerate this kind of work environment?

They need good spouses..a loving family who would continue to encourage and support them until they can stand on their own two feet in the medical field.....Likewise....I feel the same way.....it is talking to you...seeing your face online... and recalling your habits and tendencies that spur me on right now.....otherwise....the wards are really sombre....

I can see that there are problems with your school people not working properly and worse still...creating problems as a generalization....No doubt I'm here....far away....and can't really do much...I would just like tell you...from the deepest pits of my heart....that it would mean a lot to me when you share these stories with me when you have the time.......

Thanks hun for doing so so far....It really does mean a lot and that it still keeps me updated with your life over there.......

I can promise you one thing....

I'm coming back really soon......

2011-02-15T20:51:00.001+08:00

In need of someone to hold........=)

2011-02-14T22:35:00.004+08:00

Living in a new place aint always as fun...=( You are no longer within your comfort zone and stuff starts to become really different at times.

No doubt you may have great company, but nothing can beat your one true home. Home is defined as a place in which one is comfortable with and a place in which one looks forward to going back to every single day....Am I starting to feel homesick?...

I know...I'm constantly whining and whining here, but the fact remains that I dont feel that nice....I had always presumed that walking around the hospital with the white coat on would be something fun. That was my initial perception. Right now, when you are expected to perform your tasks competently makes me feel so pressured. Not to mention that the hospital environment isnt really that friendly to begin with. =(

Haih.....how much do I need someone whom I can relate to and just burst out all the emotions im keeping within.....there is always you....=) that I'm glad....but it would be unfair to constantly disturb you with my issues....You handled yourself well during difficult times...haih...To be honest, this is one of the few times in which I had to juggle both house chores + school work at the same time.....Am seriously not used to it yet...

Oh well.......we always gotta go through these issues one way or another...perhaps in due time.....may I settle down more appropriately and get into gear with my studies...=)

I ish missing someone.........=/.....

I see people being happy.....while I try to be happy......haha.....god if only I could just see you and just spill out everything.....how therapeutic would that be....

Oh......

Happy V'tines Day hun....=)
-me ish okay after posting it up kay-.......me ish stwong......

me wannaaaa see you...........

A Bug's Life...

2011-02-08T10:07:00.003+08:00

The title of the post adequately explains what me ish feeling right now...The story goes like this.....we are all students(bugs) fighting and crawling up the ladder in a world where right now, we are known as nobodies...=)...

Well....life in JB has been pretty fun thus far...=) thanks to a bunch of great friends and 'gays' thronging the small place of Danga Bay JB..

The journey here for the first time left me literally in awe!.. The condo which we lived in was just at the coastline between Malaysia and Singapore...ahha..we could literally see Spore from our balcony....The 'not so modernised' part of Spore that is...=) Anyway, we came down here to drop off some stuff 2 days before CNY. The car was fully loaded with things so much so that the back mirror was rendered almost useless..haha.....thank goodness for a trolley that was waiting for us at the lobby of the Condo..otherwise we would have to make endless trips up and down( playing with gravity) to get the stuff up ...what more that we stayed on the 14th floor, which would explain why it takes rather long for the lifts to actually 'open' for us. After dropping the stuff, mum taught me how to clean up stuff like 'doing the laundry '..haha...and also we did some preliminary sweeping and mopping and washing the toilet in the room. Hahaha..all tired and dirty, we left for the hometown for CNy at approximately 7pm at night.

The journey there took another 1.5 hours. By the time we got there, the place was pitch black and there were no longer many food stalls left open. Therefore, we had to settle for some friend rice etc.

Haha...CNY pretty alright apart from the angpaus that we received. Food was great as usual which would imply that I need to get my butt back on the threadmill yet again..ish ish..haih...Did some minor gambling and visited relatives here and there. Unfortunately, cousins were either too old or too young( as it always is the case for almost everyone our age)..therefore the awkwardness=) had vegetarian reunion dinner and also another grand dinner the day on the first day of CNY. Lost quite a lot of money during gambling...ish ish...haha...

Headed back for Jb after the CNy celebrations. Thank goodness there was no traffic jam along the way... Once again, unloaded some extra stuff that we bought from hometown then headed for lunch. Coming back, it was not a really teary affair as I said goodbye to family. I wass they knew I was gonna have fun here, hence they weren't so apprehensive about the whole issue..haha...Met up with with everyone of the 'elephants' then proceeded to clean up the whole house with Bert and Alvin...hahaha.....luckily managed to get through well enough..

First and second days of 'transition' as Monash calls it was filled with endless briefings and 'meet the people' sessions...ish ish...some were interesting, some were unnecessary...haih....oh well oh well.....damn....I also realized yday that I have forgotten so much of what I had previously crammed into my head last year...all the signs and symptoms of all systems...haih....where to begin...hahaha.....only time will tell...=) be prepared to get screwed Tj....hahahaha. Lunch provided by the hospital's cafeteria was all spicy and sambal-ish as well....haih..hahahaha...I know im practically complaining all the time here...but seriously...sambal every single day??....damn must I learn how to cook simple stuff...haha.....gotta hit the gym too....haha...and eat less now theres not parental pressure to 'eat more'..!!

It was then that I felt that somehow things were different from home..no longer someplace you were really comfortable with and can do anything you want...you gotta do everything by yourself....haih.....being away from people whom I hold dear.......shuang and family....

I was glad that at night I got to at least have some contact with you that night....it felt really funny and weird knowing that youre not just 5 minutes apart anymore....no doubt the internet is there....nothing beats seeing you in person...at any moment if necessary...

oh well...I guess that this is just the initial stage of it all......with time...I hope we would grow fonder and fonder of each other......the anticipation of seeing you in person once again keeps my hopes up and brightens my day....like seeing light at the end of a bright tunnel...=)

I take comfort knowing that hopefully youre feeling alright over there yourself....thought we said that nothing changes much..... amfeewing so much more attached and the longing to see you again....last time when we had access to see each other 'quite regularly'..I guess that i might have underestimated what Im feeling right now.....not feeling alone...am having fun actually...but nothing compares to you.......haih....pretzel is with me everynight the picture hangs by the bedside table......the shirts you bought....all hanging within the closet...=(...

it'll be only about a month or so kay.....

missing someone........

-sorry for the terrible skills...haha..using the phone's camera and still investigating how to optimize its usage=)-

2011-02-01T01:48:00.003+08:00

Thank you everyone......=)...I will miss you guys....but then again...it's only JB...haha......dont be too emo....

2011-01-30T08:59:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was such an eventful day..haha....went out with a dear friend of mine as we both had some errands to run....am truly grateful that I had company when i ventured into KL .......ish ish....you terrible woman...shouldn't have put that RM 6 in the car....hahahha...anyway...thank you so much for walking around rather aimlessly at times...perhaps next time we can find something that you like in return...=) Thanks bro.....=P

I was eagerly anticipating you dropping by yesterday night....haha...thank god nothing went wrong at the very last minute. The movie was rather creepy if you asked me, perhaps I would actually try to finish it today or so. Albeit the discomfort of sitting on the hard parquet floor, I had no complaints actually...because I knew that the show was great. Haha....gotta say that at times, those scenes were getting exaggerative towards the end..

I had wanted to pass the little gift to you on Monday actually...hahaha.....but as usual, my carelessness led to the secret being uncovered.....=) No matter, I was really happy that you liked 'Stretch'. To be honest, I did not notice his smile until you pointed it out. Luckily you really liked him though....hahahaha...Mr Giraffe...=)

Just sitting down and looking at the ceiling with you nearby is somewhat like something I've always wanted to happen....where we both just randomly bring up topics here and there....There was a moment that I did not expect to happen...hmmm....but after that brief moment and looking back towards you..I realized that going abroad is not like those 'sob stories'..after all.....we are still in the same country right?...Perhaps we might not be able to meet up weekly or fortnightly, but I'm sure we can adapt pretty well to the situation....=)

It would be like a new 'adventure' for me and also a challenge living away from people whom I hold so close....but bearing in mind that I can think of you....and still get in contact with you makes it that much less scary....but more of exciting actually...

Hahahaha..this should;nt be a sad post or anything like that.....seeing you always makes things so much brighter somehow...=)XD

Stretch and JC will keep you company kay......it literally means that me will be keeping you company ...=)....

Oh...have I mentioned that JC has been always next to me....for the past 1 week?....=)

2011-01-29T01:44:00.002+08:00

Seeing you smile...makes me smile as well...=)

Everytime things happen...it makes me appreciate you so so much more.....

Wish that I could really be the one for you......

you who has gone through so much...not only in school...but also the issues at home...

while I have my life planned out nicely .....not really worrying too much about these things...

Lucky person I really am.....I may be greatly influenced by the moods here and then...

but things arent actually that complicated......because after all.......we both are sincere and true....=)

PS:...why oh why are you such a lovable person.....

2011-01-27T19:55:00.004+08:00

I am glad that at least we could let our feelings out verbally......I felt better that I did not resort to the usual cowardly ways of trying to express myself and my constant ramblings in the virtual world.

I shall not blame anyone right now....Perhaps it is safe to say that everything that happened...absolutely everything, the conflicts that we have had over the few years....were due solely to both of us not communicating enough when trying to resolve something.....on my side inevitably, for assuming too much that you were always feeling alright....( only when it was truly obvious that you had a problem eg: by reading your blog) only did I give you more attention....

For me, I realize that life and a story between two people are not like what we see in movies where boy meets girl, girl meets boy....They have special feelings for each other and it became love the whole way until..... somewhere along the way, a problem arises....The scene then fades and shows shots of both people fiddling and idling in their own rooms until something happens and both reconcile and the story ends with a happy close....(Reality isnt always as straight forward,,though we all hope that the ending is the same as that in movies)

Like I mentioned, you certainly are the nicest and sweetest person I know...one who is true to yourself and truly cares for another......I indeed am the luckiest person to have you so close to me.....

I'm sure both you and I pick up new lessons as we walk this journey....after all as cliched as it sounds...it is the bumpy roads of something that 2 people share so dearly that makes us hopefully more appreciative and understanding of each others' needs and wants....

Maybe..just maybe.....if we were in the same course....things would be less complicated.......but anyway, hopefully these issues that arise because of us being in different courses can be something that we can both learn from...As the saying goes...'better now than later'....heres to lessons in life for a brighter future for us.........

PS: I was glad that I got to see you today....Thanks shuang.........=)

2011-01-26T14:04:00.002+08:00

To be honest, I share the same sentiment as you do....

We do need a break from all these...

Lets start with my side of the story:

I put my heart into things that I do for you. It might not be my original idea.( okay, I google ideas and mix and match) sometimes even ( I get ideas from my friends)...but what I do is.....I go all out to make sure what I do for you is worth my troubles....
I'll do just about anything to see you happy and appreciate me more.....i can toil toil toil.....

2011-01-26T12:36:00.001+08:00

Now I feel as if I don't wanna go to JB.............=(

Haih....

2011-01-26T10:31:00.002+08:00

Don't blame yourself.........for it is not anyone's fault ( at least I think so)....

If 'time and our studies' are deemed to disrupt ....I can respect that...

But ignoring each other wouldn't be the right way.....haih.....can we talk normally at least?...

2011-01-25T23:33:00.002+08:00

I'm not going anywhere.....if thats what youre implying.....

Stop saying youre this and that...because youre not......!!

I see you for who you are inside...not this mask that clouds you every now and then....

I just dont know how to tackle this cloud......

Should I just wait for it to go away?.....

If only there were an answer.....since this person is like the only 1 who reads the posts...

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-25T23:08:00.003+08:00

Why oh why.......?

Bukit Gasing...=)

2011-01-25T14:46:00.012+08:00

hahahaha....the week before...Mr Alvin Loh asked us....'jom la...mari bukit gasing'..Honestly, it has been a year since we agreed to go on this 'little' hike. Note the apostrophe..hahaha...Finally, a year later, we decided, why not relive this agreement. Too bad there were only 4 of us who managed to make it there.....Nevertheless was indeed great company as we usually talk a lot of crap here and there..haha and not really minding what we say..as what alvin always says... 'ChinChai la=)'..hahaha..

So.....woke up at 6.30 to bertrands wake up call..hahahha...didnt shower at all, just merely brushed my teeth wahded my face and changed into some sports attire. To be frank, it was the first time in a few montsh since I woke up that early and trust me...the experience wasnt great..hahaha..what more being caught in such a huge jam..it took like 2 hours before we finally reached bukit gasing...=) Upon seeing the main entrance, what ran through my mind was " How bad could it be" Jungle trekking in the middle of the town of PJ???? you gotta be joking...prolly it was overrated...but boy was I in for a surprise...hahahhaha...

just near the entrance, we were given a choice, either going for the easy trail or the tougher one...Being guys and Alex being the tough person that she is/was..haha....we decided for the harder trail.. Immediately we had to cross a piece of wooden plank....Not only was the plank unstable but it felt as if it was gonna give way any time..at least we managed to make it past across safely..hahaha...

We were then greeted by steps and more steps which so far , didnt prove to be much of a hassle for us...hahaha...definitely not for Alvin....=)arrived shrotly after that at a watch tower...ooooo...being afraid of heights...hahaha..I kinda struggled a little bit...heres a picture of how it looks like....

haha..the steps were thin and frail..and did I mention that the landing platform had a huge hole through....dang....hahahaha....

backtracking..we headed deeper and deeper into the forest.....through steps and steep downhill tracks....greeted by mosquitoes....see the aftermath... as follows:

Picture 1: looking out for mosquitoes=) and whacking each others legs..

Picture 2: look at this man...

haha....only Alex hadf the mosquito bites which leaves us with 2 possibilties....either her blood was sweeter?...or mosquitoes were male.....and went for fhe female target..hahaha...you get the picture...XD

hahahaha....in between we saw a small stream aka 'Anak Sungai'

Picture above: they even had fishes...hahaha...so much for the anak sungai though....basically just flowing water...hahahhaha...

As unfit as we were...we stopped here and there to camwhore..haha...unfortunately..Alvin was camera shy, so he willnot appear in these photos...ish ish..terrible boy..

Indeed....was a great experience...hopefully...there will be a 2nd time...hahahha...oh yeah..we had dim sum for lunch too...blissful...=)

RO time!!!!

Long Overdue=)

2011-01-25T14:27:00.004+08:00

Phew...sorry for this post. Should have been up since last Saturday or Sunday but was caught up in RO...yeap , you guessed RO!!! deja-vu isn't it?

Anyhow, as we edge closer and closer to leaving for JB, I would really like to post up some stuff I did in KL as they would be nice memories...hahaha... Starting with this post.

We went out for a short outing last Saturday to 1U. But before that, I decided to try out some apparently good Thai food in PJ. The reviews came from blogs and other websites, so I thought why not lets give it a try.=) Turns out that the food was good as expected but could still have been better...
First thing when we found the place , we thought that it was rather dodgy, as the restaurant was located just below a group of flats. Who would have thought that there would be a highly recommended Thai restaurant in this kind of place. Nevertheless, 'My Elephant' was the name of the restaurant. Typically, ordered the famous green curry and tom yam soup.
The hi-light was 'Mieng Kum'...hahaha..basically a dish with leaves and other small titbits for appetizers....heres a picture to show you guys...hahaha....

Yeap, you practically use the leaves as 'bread'. take the small dishes and put them on the leaf, then eat them....all in all....was a nice experience...hahaha...I'm sure you were surprised by that dish too....=) Moreover, the price for about 3 dishes was only roughly 20+ bucks...Should seriously try out this place...

After that, we headed on to 1U to 'lepak'....On the way there, we searched the phone online for any good movies and also good timings..apparently GSC didnt have good offers. So...we almost didnt' pursue that initial idea, until we reached the old school TGV within the old wing. it was there that we saw they had a good timing for 'Season of the Witch' by Nicholas Cage....The surprisng thing was that there were practically nobody in TGV.....looked rather empty....compelling to comment that they were running outta business....hahahha....

Went shopping for a present at the mean time...Glad that you found what you wanted...hahaha...though it was rather mini-sized...We entered the cinema already not expecting much from the show as initial web browsing in Rotten Tomatoes only rated it at 4%.....hahaha...absolutely mediocre...

Anyway.....we so didnt think that it would be a creepy movie...overall the show was okaaay.....with demons making appearances here and there and small scares ...haha...what intrigued me was the fact that only a few seats were occupied...

Man, what has become of TGV in 1U....?? hahahaha...anyways...the show wasnt that long..only about 1 hour and 45 mins if Im not mistaken. Seeing that it was nearly time to go home, we walked toward our car,hahaha....when we realized that i had brought a camera and intended to use it.

So, went to the car, took the camera and went to the so-called rainforest in 1U...hahaha...For me, it felt like we were reliving something...you mentioned also that 'same people, same place, 2 years later'....hahaha.....funny eh?

Took a whole bunch of photos.....with different poses albeit other tourists flocking the waterfall nearby. A few weird photos in between....hahaha...last I checked, the memory card had almost 70 photos...shall just post up 1 photo which I felt was nice...hahahaha....

Yeap..hahahahaha......after scrolling through quite a bit of photos...it was hard to make up my mind...haha...but I think this is one of the better ones...=)

A trip worth remembering....=)

See next post for adventures in Bukit Gasing..hahaha

2011-01-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

I dont wanna fight you..........

please......

why do we always have conflicts over small matters/misunderstandings?

as confident as i portray myself to be....I crumble inside.....

I don't wanna reiterate.....

I am not perfect either....

I cant alwys have my way, neither can you....

My heart is yours......conflicts kill me....

Shit...why am i moping?

2011-01-24T00:08:00.001+08:00

I was just trying to sincerely tell you something that I felt from my heart....

In a positive way....

Please don't be mad.....

It was all in all just my good intentions....

3rd NECIC ( The holiday part)

2010-12-03T22:09:00.008+08:00

hahaha..here is when everything goes crazy....but who cares...when you have just finished your exams and are in Malacca....though RM 150 was for the whole 3 day conference, we didn't bother attending the subsequent sessions...rather we decided to make the most out of being in a tourist attraction..hahaha ..which was exactly what we did...

Started off the night by going to Malacca Central to buy a bus ticket for Arma who wanted to go back to Terengganu the following day...imagine..a 12 hour journey on the bus..man...haha...we then headed off to Mahkota Parade and also Melaka Megamall for try to book tickets....Along the way on the roads of course...we got lost here and there again...and also there was once when we were even driving on the wrong side of the road...anyway...managed to find our way there eventually...

We then decided to catch a 10.15 movie ...haha..' Due Date'.....it was after buying only did we realize that we had only 20 minutes to eat.....seeing that time was already 9.55....which meant all the shops in the mall were gonna close soon....we were left rueing our chances of having a decent dinner after the unhealthy McD in the afternoon...haha...

We then found this shop!!!...bet none of the KL people have ever heard of this.....

the chicken was sooooo damn good even though it was served at 9.55......seriously....!!!

Look at Shanaka go!!!..haha

gobbled up our food within 20 minutes...imagine that..then rushed to the cinema....the show was rather funny..haha...lame random jokes....but i felt myself dozing off midway...prolly coz of the long day of travelling and the presentation....

After that...headed back to the hotel where we took turns to bathe and then played Monopoly Deal...hahaha..laughed our hearts out at the whacky things people do during the game...and boy was it addictive!...we bunked in only at around 3 something...

The next day.....slept in till bout 11.30...and then we realized that we had to check out by 12...here we rushed to bathe again..haha...after checking out and dropping Arma..we then left for town for some Food !!! WEEE...

haha...shan't talk too much but let the pictures do the talking....hahaha

Jonker Street

The famous Malacca Chicken Rice Ball Shop...hahaha...

WEEE!!! balls balls and more balls...=)

Durian Cendol!!!!

hahaha...there are supposed to be pictures of the A'Famosa Fort etc...haha...perhaps another time...

We headed for home at around 3 something....haha....was quite a sleepy journey prolly coz of our stomachs being too full....but yeah...

Oh...we even had Sate Kajang on our way home..!!

a full day of bloatedness...and unhealthiness....but it is these kinda food that tastes excellent..=)...once in awhile TJ..

All in all...the conference was a really big eye-opener and also a good experience as to how conference are like...how grand things are and how serious people are when they attend these kinda conferences....a great experience...

I had loads of fun in the process just chilling and hanging out with friends......everything was just perfect during this short but honestly enjoyable trip....Love it!!!

Thanks guys for making the trip so much more enjoyable....WEEE!!!

Till next time....

TJ

3rd NECIC ( cant remember what it stands for)

2010-12-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

What a memorable trip this was, being held in Malacca....a conference focusing on cultivating a mind-set towards inclusive education....Basically....my CBP group together with 3 other groups were invited to present our research topics in this conference...oops....no doubt we were invited, we still had to pay RM 150 per person ....hahaha...

Prior to this event, I would say that all of us took it absolutely lightly and merely brushed it off our shoulders. After all, what could be more nerve-wrecking than the symposium 2 months ago..Our minds were actually set towards a holiday in Malacca and not so much on sharing our findings.

The day started when we left Monash at approximately 10am in the morning...In the car, chatted bout what we planned to do there, what to eat, whether to catch a late night movie etc. We then said that, our real holiday only begins after 6pm, which happens to be the time when we have all finished presenting. Managed to reach Malacca town without much hassle and even had a short snapshot of Dataran Pahlawan etc. We then reached our hotel 'Mahkota Hotel'....I initially thought that we could already check-in and throw all our baggages into the room. Unfortunately, check-in time was only later.

Met up with Xin Wei and then decided to go check out 'Avilion Malacca Hotel' where the NECIC was being held. Apparently the GPS had gone cookoo midway, and we ended up travelling about half an hour into the Malay kampungs...It was after double checking that we realized that we were way off the intended route. Thus, we back-tracked into town once again and were almost shocked when Avilion hotel was just not far off Mahkota Hotel..hahaha...

Found a parking, then followed the directions to the registration counter for the NECIC. I had only expected a small counter but boy was i surprised....have a look the the picture...

There were counters everywhere, for speakers, day participants, stay-in participants etc....there were even participants' from Brunei!!! It was then when I went ' OH NO!!'.....this is gonna be a nerve-wreck. Never in a million years did I ever suspect that the conference would be this big...!

Anyway, we then headed off for lunch...due to the short time frame that we had, and also the fact that we had literally no idea what was good near the hotel, we settled for the safest option 'McD'...haha..imagine coming to Malacca for McD....I also realized that people could eat 2 McValue lunch meals....dang..haha..howd they eat so much yet still look in shape..haha

Retreated back to the hotel, and then conference had already started. We were not scheduled to present until 4.30 pm so we managed to go upstairs into the others' rooms to change and freshen up. I then realized that we had much time left to prepare and rehearse before our presentation. So we rushed to the venue about 15 minutes early. Unfortunately there were some technical errors, which further delayed things, but luckily all was in place before we presented.

Overall, presentations went alright apart from the 'Q & A' session. First time we were questioned on our study..haha

yeap.....scary looking people among the crowd...
Though there were only like 30 people....questions were kinda scary too...

After us was our group from the 'Dyslexia Association of Malaysia'....a really great video.....which always catches my attention...

From left to right:Jin Ern, Arma, Shanaka, Fui Chen & Xin Wei..

Concluded our presentations with a nice group photo with Dr. Uma...
hahaha...dont we all look smart....=)

Then met up with all our other fellow Monash mates who were supposed to present their posters...

Unfortunately, there quite a mix-up in which one of the groups were told that their poster was already in Malacca.....luckily there was a print shop nearby and also that they had saved a soft copy of the poster...=)

We then decided to head back and get ready for dinner and a movie...!!! WEE!! The holiday has finally begun...haha....will update in the next post....=)

WEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-23T13:10:00.002+08:00

Haha..I should have written this post yesterday...then I could officially name title it as 'Today was a fairytale'....because indeed it was....here's a brief recount of what happened....something for me to recall when I stumble across this post again in the future...was too bad that there no photos to commemorate the outing...boohoo

Anyhow, we started off the day at around 8.45....when my best friend came over. silly me for not giving them my house address...luckily the guards did not give them a big problem unlike a few days before when another of my friend was stuck at the guardhouse for 10 minutes?....how inflexible these people are..=(

Had to help Jon run some errands initially. We then headed off for breakfast. The food was great actually. Havent tasted roti canai this good in quite a long time. Oh wait...this was the only roti canai I tasted in 3 months perhaps?...Roti pisang, roti kosong and a neslo panas.....what a way to kick off the day..haha...had a bit of a chat during breakfast till i forgot to actually give you half of my portion....haha...oh....I didnt particularly like the neslo though..tasted a lil bit bitter..

After that, we left for the science centre...I recalled being very excited the past few days as I had wanted to see the exhibits and since at this age....should be a ble to understand the basic principles of science...or so I thought I would...Reached there without much of a hassle....entered and was prepared to pay the fee...but apparently..due to some massive renovation process...they were kind enough to let visitors in for free....WEEE!!!

Both of us were intrigued by the overhead aquarium that greeted u at the entrance. Saw some arapaimas , bandarayas etc etc....haha....and both of us wondered how afraid we would be should we actually be swimming with these creatures os at least 1 metre long each....haha.....surprisingly as well..there were quite a number of visitors on that day....Im guessing it's owing to the school holidays.....but mostly were all young chaps and girls with their parents..haha......amazing how much younger these people are getting nowadays for them to develop an interest in science.....

We started off with looking at some biology exhibits....this was an area in whcih we both were adequately familair with...haha..they even had the basics of DNA, Mendel's experiments...XY and XX gender differences etc...haha....initially...both of us were just testing to see that the exhibits were actually displaying the truth...haha...fortunately they were...otherwise they would be misleading. Generally not very intriguing at first.

WE then headed off towards the astronomy and physics part. It was here when I realized how much we actually did not know about science. Previously, I kinda scoffed at how elementary the biology specimens were, right now..I was dumbfounded. Ignoring the quite poorly maintained exhibits, they really opened my eyes. I was all trying to understand the principles of the 'eddy currents, doppler effect' etc initially. But after awhile all I did was just 'OOOOOOOOOOOOo' and 'AHHHHHHHHHHH' just like em school kids there.

Haha....which made me actually question what we learnt in school in the past. Oh did I mention that there were some medical exhibits too. Even on anatomy.!!..haha..
Finished that place and decided to head to another section but realzied that the place was under renovation..ish ish...no matter, we caught glimpses of huge dinosaurs on the atrium. Unfortunately, that was all there is. In the last section, we were once again intrigued and 'conned' by specimens..haha from the flying mirror to an illusional house?...hahaha

The time was only about 12.30 that time. Both of us then agreed to spend time in 1U then...hahaha...CENDOL baby!!!

Got a bit lost along the way but eventually arrived and got a parking without much hassle....As usual, dear Justine Lim tried to con me by claiming that she didnt have my wallet and parking ticket.=_)..haha....try again next time pal...

We headed straight for the cinema but couldnt decide what movie to watch....suddenly..we saw a show Hachiko on the screen....not knowing what it was about...we walked toward the counter when I saw the banner....!!! Boy did it fit the outing perfectly..haha...a doggie show....hahaha...was a bit apprenhensive at first but these movies always surprise me..

Walked around in MPH to kill some time..where we scrolled through books that you liked and also the best seller's wall in which I was cooing over..haha...then of course over some personal development books which we pondered uponfor quite some time.When I next checked my watch..wow..it was already 2.15..which left us with about 45 minutes for lunch...

Lunch was at Sri Melaka...haha...actually the only reason we agreed on it was coz we wanted the cendol....okay..I wanted the cendol...but it did not disappoint did it?...hahah...not only was the cendol awesome...the food was great as well...savoury to the very last spoonful...haha...chatted a bit along the way as well and almost ignored time when Justine suddenyl said ti was time.....

Kinda rushed over the cendol....mmhmm....paid and then went up to the cinema....the show was AWESOME with a capital A!!!....apart from the initial glitch in which we were all caught in the darkness of GSC....but the movie was just so touching...I swear that my eyes were a lil bit teary.....haha...I also swore tahat I heard some sniffs from a few XY's in the room as well...No regrets whatsoever....HACHIKO!!!!! AKITAAAAAA!!!!..hahaha...to make the show even more meaningful..it was also a true story....=)....basically its about a dog being so loyal to its master...

After that...we had a craving for Icie...haha..and Baskin Robbin it was!!! WHOOO!!! forgive the excitement but yes yes....BR was something I have been craving for for a loooong time...just didnt want my parent sto pay for it...so now that I could use my pocket money..yeah...

hahahaha....By that time..it was already about 5.30....so we headed off home...haha..man...the after work hours were crazy....spent about an hour just to reach home...of coruse me and my stupid idea got us lost in the factory area for about 15 minutes..haha...

All in all...was indeed an awesome day....and what more could I ask for ...that I got to spend it with you....=)...nothing beats that....I guess...though we had our differences in the past...but it has propelled us to truly understand and accept each other for who we are....and thats what matters ultimately....=) -hugs- Thank you....

I'm Sorry.....

2010-10-15T22:22:00.002+08:00

haih.....I thought you were going to Pyramid....I heard this from someone else...

You were talking to so many other people when we just left the hall...I did not want to invade and ask you to join us at that instant....for the other people might feel offended...

I actually kept reminding the others if you were going to make it...

I wanted to send you a reply after you sent me that message...but I ran out of credit...

They said you sounded mad....

I dont blame you for acting that way...=(

haih......god knows what will happen when I see you on Monday again...

Hopefully....you would come to find out that it was just a whole misunderstanding...

TJ

2010-10-13T09:51:00.002+08:00

It is absolutely such a sad thing to be in....when one day...you were just enjoying a drive along the hi-way...and the next moment...you see a huge bus right in front of you..the next thing you know....you are in the afterlife....

How unfair is life...when innocent people who had good intentions...be it driving for a holiday...to work etc....end up dying....

Did not really affect me at first..but looking at those photos....it dawned upon me that life is not just abed of roses....ie...anything can happen at any time.....
Life is meant to be enjoyed....and be lived to its fullest....how could such an accident just cut short the lives of so many people..especially...when they were mostly young people..

Imagine...someone who had just graduated..had a whole life ahead of him...someone else...who was a basketball player and would now be paralysed....how terrible this is..

They had everythin gto look forward to...but certainly not meeting death so suddenly..

It got me thinking right now actually....that anything could happen at anytime...seriously...just put yourself in their shoes....prolly listening to the mp3 and they die the next instant...or you or me for that matter....driving...

I guess....we would have to really appreciate life and cherish the moments we have with our loved ones....as tragedies could happen..in the blink of an eye...-touch wood-...

And also...with regard to this very example.....be safe on the road....!!!
especially to those Mat Rempits....do you want to end up like them?...

May the victims rest in peace...the survivors...have to live the rest of their lives with this traumatic incident at the back of their minds....

How lucky we are....to be still alive.....

CBP FiniSSSSSSSS!!!

2010-10-01T01:11:00.004+08:00

Phew.....the past 1 week was just such a tiring time for me....but I am glad to say that ultimately....it was indeed a fruitful and memorable experience...

Day 1
Started off the week with a rehearsal for the symposium in front of two lecturers.....honestly, we were totally unprepared at all for we did not realize that there were rehearsals...so we put on our brave faces and tried our very best ....hahaha..ironically...both the lecturers liked our presentations?.....I for one was sceptical..did they say that just to calm us down and please us...or did they really mean it....My buddies had varying opinions to that question...after the presentation...my dear group leader said....'dude...our powerpoint slides are damn ugly and unprofessional' It was indeed the first time he got pissed I think.....luckily....and thankfully for his comp skills and our cooperation...we managed to at least make the presentation neater...yeap..that was practically day 1...

Day 2
It was a pretty normal day....had to present during the anatomy practical..but that was already a norm for us...so it didnt really matter much...

Day 3
Finally the big day.....I woke up....feeling nervous yet excited at the same time...It was indeed the day of the CBP Symposium...no doubt...it was just my batch mates who made up the audience...nevertheless...I felt nervous for some reasons...What if our presentation sucked?...What if we stumbled on stage?....It was too late to actually ponder too much over that....arrived in Monash and headed into the venue....My first thought when entering the venue was WOW!!! everyone was in formal..all smartly dressed...the aircond was blowing absolutely strongly...

Obviously due to the Malaysian way of being late, the event only kicked off at 9 am....A few groups started presenting...I was absolutely impressed at the amount of effort they put into the presentations..with videos....touching music...everything served to set the scene of our 'reflection process' on CBP....It was then when I thought that their presentations were so great...and that ours did not have a video....DIE MAN!!!!....

One by one groups went and presented....while we waited for our turn.....haha....I would say that our presentation went smoothly...let the marks reflect our perfromances....

One particular part that made my day was when one of the lecturers asked us...'what is this new formmat of presentation that you guys are using'..basically..my group tried to be different from the others by opting for a software called 'prezi'...and I guess it did catch some of their attention...haha...credits to Timmy and Jia Ring once again...=)...Day 3 did not really end then yet..the symposium ended late...and we had to stay back in uni to actually simulate the events for the following day..which was the 'Inclusive Education Symposium'...apparently...The Minister of Women, Family & Community Development was to grace and officiate the event the next day...so everyone was kinda frantic planning and ensuring that everything was set in place...we had to really simulate everything...taking cues etc...by the time I reached home..it was already about 9pm...T.T

Day 4
The next big day...Although I knew that at the back of my mind...we were not being graded today....the jitters came when i thought of the general public...experts of the field...and the media were going to be there....Must be some really big event...hahaha...Indeed it was....!!
Woke up kinda late actually....the traffic was kinda bad as well to make things worse....Had to go poop even before I parked the car...luckily Bert was kind enough to help me park while I answered nature's calls....haha..Thanks Bert!!
Walking to the auditorium...I was even more jittery...the lights were already dimmed....everyone was listening attentively...I entered the hall....and looked for my group mates...haha..ignoring the eyes that followed my every step down the steps of the hall...I took my place and settled down....turning back occasionally to look at the audience....shocked I was to find that only a small proportion of my batch mates were there...Mostly there were the media...VIPS...members of the public etc...presentations were great actually...i guess everyone stepped up a gear from the day before.....the keynote addresses were also rather informative....though some were boring...=P...

The hi-light was when the minister actually arrived...haha..everyone got to their feet...treated her like a goddess....I have to say that for a woman in her 50s...she looked kinda attractive...haha...of course....there may have been elements of cosmetic surgery..but...yeah...

Our presentation went smoothly fortunately..luckily the audience did not pose any questions to us...

What I would like to hi-light from this Inclusive Education Symposium was that...prior to this...I never thought these issue of IE was such a big thing...I only thought it was just an idea some Tom,Dick and Harry came across while he was eating his lunch...but boy was I wrong...=)...the experts...some of them had PhD's in the field of Inclusive Education....there were advocates...etc etc...which really opened my eyes....to how much this issue is of a concern to everyone....

The panel discussion in the symposium was really heartwarming as well...a parent, a IE teacher, a precious IE student, a psychologist, 2 advocators....gave us an insight on their life experiences and journey in terms of IE...I noticed myself nodding....and paying full attention to their 'sermon'...for indeed....we have all been far too ignorant ....kudos to them...

Yeap...that was roughly what happened....

A few things I would like to say here as well...

1. It is absolutely a big put off to see the Dean himself sleeping during the presentation...=(

2. The whole CBP journey has been fruitful finally....initially I thought it was a waste of time...but imagine how much it has impacted me...

Lastly...to my dear group mates.....there were conflicts..disagreements...horny moments...stressful moments getting caught in the jam....trying to get a boy to say a word....haha....but ultimately...there are just a lot of memories that I would carry with me...our results......showed how our hardwork...well..not hardwork I think..but how we have managed to manipulate through the thick and thin...and achieve such a great outcome eventually....thank you to all of you.....It was great working with all of you....and my sincere apologies if I may have imposed my harsh opinions sometimes....you guys are the best....

Not forgetting Dr Tam...our dear AA...this whole project...would not have been successful...if it werent for you....your help in SPSS and the input for our data analyses have allowed us to come to this stage....Thank you...haha...we should all seriously go out for dinner after the dreadful exams...

Us..CBP Group 11 standing behind our poster ...=)

2010-09-26T12:57:00.003+08:00

Amidst all the stress coming up and accumulating...threatening me to rip my hair off my very scalp...I feel blessed that I have the support of everyone.....some who have always been there....their support now comes like something natural and subconscious...

Some support....I have regained....like yours...It is this type of support that drives me....eliminating all the stress and tension created as the exams approach....I am extremely grateful for that....

Apart from the constant never-ending mugging with books and lecture notes..., time spent with you certainly reminds me that there is just so much more than only studies....surely Studies should be the main priority right now...but, it is these little moments of care and bliss that opens up my mind to things i'd always ignore...the little moments in life....as the song goes...-Kissing you_ by Miranda Cosgrove...

Oh....It was a perfect outing the previous friday.....though Initially there was quite a bit of a stir in rushing to get there and waiting at the side of the road for some time.....the whole outing was just my cup of tea...though lunch was super quick and I had to gobble up all my food kinda fast....hahaha....thanks to your reluctance to eat fries...and the drink...=)...we managed to catch the 2.15 show of 'Legend of the Guardians'......hahaha.....Never in a million years did I think the story would unfold like that....haha...I only thought it was some nice and heart warming family story....but wow!!! no regrets what so ever...

Better still that I got to catch such a great movie with you....feeling wouldnt be the same had I watched it without you.....good first impressions of movies you have eh?..haha....judging by the fact that you only saw the poster....=)

haha....Back in IMU.....I was rather nervous at first....coz I did not like the scrutinizing looks from some of the batch mates..haha...but ..should have expected it coming.....calmed down almost after awhile when everyone else started minding their own business....hahaha.....

All in all.....the outing was a blast...!! simply yet memorable once again....here's to more events like this...and may the 'friendship' blossom.....

PS: I have learnt that Vit E is a famous anti-oxidant...haha..and i also learnt about tocopherol???....hahahaha.....btw...L-DOPA is used for Parkinson's...hahaha...-teases-

Eternal Memories of Lightwaves...

2010-09-16T12:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was probably the best day of my life in such a long long time..there is just soooo darn much to write about and so many memories to keep that I could go on and on about this trip...Im serious about this...=)...

Set my alarm for about 6.30 actually the night before as I was really gung-ho about the trip the next day. When the alarm rang the next morning, I felt quite sleepy still therefore I decided to snooze the alarm till bout 7.00am. It was then when I realized that I needed to meet up at 7.30 at the usual meeting place. Imagine...haha....I brushed my teeth,,got in the shower..made myself look presentable and got out all the stuff we had decided to bring during the phone call the night before....I left my house then and kinda drove fast towards the meeting spot where you were already waiting for me....sorry for the delay though...=(

We headed off to Pappa Rich nearby for breakfast. Apparently the place was not opened yet as we arrived at 750 while the place opened at 8am. Nevertheless, we waited and chose our food from the menu..Haha...was rather awkward as we were still in a daze and the place was relatively quiet with all the staff staring at us while preparing the place for business.. We had a rather quick breakie coz we did not wanna bump into anyone along the way...haha...luckily we didnt...

Got back into the car, and we headed off on the 'expedition' I called it...haha..of course at first, we needed to stock up on petrol which we did. After that, with the directions to Bukit Tinggi roughly on the back of my mind and with the help of the GPS, we set off on the journey...I waas personally excited about driving there as it was my first time going to such a far place with me behind the wheel...We talked and talked along the way...about some stuff here and there...my family issues and yours a lil as well...of course occasionally, i tended to dirve a teeny weeny bit too fast and you had to remind me^^....the journey was rather straightforward initially, but as we approached Pahang area, the roads became more windy and my tummy kinda rumbled a little...your head a lil too...=(....nevertheless...the journey was not gruesome as we used the 'prime minister's way of travelling' as you would call it..haha...We climbed and climbed the hill...past many curves and bends and finally reached the Japanese Tea Garden...

I was initially surprised as there were not many people..actually only 2 cars...but i paid off well..as the garden was quiet...and peaceful..only me ,you and nature...of course occasionally there were families here and there...The view and scenery was just pure bliss...perfect weather...perfect company....perfect time...perfect everything...we walked along rocks, looking at trees and plant species...=) of course the hi-light was that I could spend time with you...took loads of photos at the same time...of landscapes...fishes...the surrounding etc...must apologize for my lack of creativity with the camera though...=(...hahaha but we pulled through in the end...It was indeed a really nice place...sitting on rocks...staring at nature at its very finest..and enjoying your company...we took many many photos...the best part was that we did not bump into many people..just maybe a few families....which made it even more personal for me....=)

We then decided to go to the Botanic gardens...there we saw a Japanese restaurant and took more photos of each other and together as well...albeit the many attempts..hahaha...I liked the part when we put the cam on the rubbish bin and tried to change the way we posed to suit the picture..hahaha....turned out nice in the end....we then saw a huge lizard....ooo....and looked down the trail...apparently it led to a much deeper place inside...which no one we though would venture...haha...we saw a signboard saying 'Viewdeck' downwards...so we followed suit...arriving at what was called a 'viewdeck'..haha...was nothing much but just a canopy with wooden chairs to sit and chill....there was really no one there...

There...we managed to have a heart to heart talk....about issues....with the occasionaly disturbances from the sounds made by forest creatures...haha..I usually mistook them for sounds of humans ...my bad there....we spent some time there....overlooking the landscape of the tropical rainforest...with you leaning against the balcony and me just next to you....we talked here and there....and after awhile...decided that we should head back up...coz there were sounds of thunder at the distance...OH!! did I mention that the weather was cloudy and sunless?....hahaha...it was awesome...=)

We went into the souvenir shop and shared the money for a small plant for mom...headed back to the car and drove down the winding road....towards the French Village! aka Colmar Tropicale...haha...we had to park in the hotel carpark though for dont know what reason....anyway....we exited the carpark..entered the lift and proceeded towards the entrance of the hugely majestic village....My god did It feel like I was in Europe....apart from the sun which made its presence felt for a bit..haha....we took some photos at the entrance again....funny how the background changed from nature previously to european influenced buildings in the next..haha...anyway...we went to wee wee in the hotel 'toilette' as they called it''haha....sounds like 'the perfume'...hahahaha...headed out and walked around the village to the vast array of shops and restaurants...My god the prices of the food was super crazy..haha..thats why they called it a tourist attraction....chop off the heads of tourists...=)...She brought me into the shop where she once painted the sculpture of a Pikachu about 3 years ago..

It was there that she got a present for a special friend of hers....at quite a good price as well....the lady she recognized as the same person whom was present at the shop 3 years ago as well..haha..ironic isnt it?....we left the shop then..and it was drizzling a lil bit...but nothing really mattered...as I felt happy and she was too...we walked to the end of the village...there was nothing much there actually...I guess it was more for night life rather than day time walkabouts...=)...Oh I forgot to mention that she went gaga over swans which were apprently fake but turned out to be real...hahaha...went down the steps to where the swans were in the courtyard and took some photos of them...she was excited alright...I was as well....becasue they were absolutely majestic....but arrogant at the same time...^^...haha...we managed to buy some food ( fish food) for the swans....and caught a video of them eating..hahaha....

If we thought that the day was over....boy were we surprised...for we were only halfway through the day...!!! we had an agreement to go to a shopping mall for a nice nice lunch where we could talk and relax and just enjoy the atmosphere....finally we decided on Italiannies 1U...haha....took a long drive back to the 'suburbs'...along the way...we listened to some nice music.....haih.....on Lite FM...and continued talking a little bit...she was a bit hungry and sleepy as well....hmmm.....we talekd about other issues...along the way...and finally reached 1U...haha..found a parking almost immediately....bless 'Hari Raya'...hahaha....got off and headed for the restaurant immediately..I was hungry...she was also really hungry..hahaha....attended to by nice attendents...=)

We decided to order a 'Shrimp Linguine' with Cream sauce & top it off with a 'Sicilian Chicken Salad'.....the food was amazing...haha..particualrly the sauce they used....but she said that the food was better before....=(...no matter.....I really had a good time over our 4.30 lunch...hahaha....the atmosphere was just perfect....we had privacy and everything I could have ever wanted with you.....had some trouble finishing the food actually..hahaha...but luckily we managed to down it all after a bit of effort....paid the bill...and we decided to shop for some presents as well...haha...thank god we found something brillaint and relevant for that person..well..hope she understands the meaning though...haha....it was then when she bought me a belated birthday gift...!!!!! a shirt!!!!!!!...hahaha....an urban tee actually....I REALLY LIKED IT!!!!! thank you so much....!!!....will present it for you when we do go out next time okay....=)

Walked abit some more and stopped by the sweet shop 'Sticky' if im not mistaken....and she bought me a small bottle of sweets!!!!!!!! small one only...she said later I got diabetes...hmmm...anyway...my favourtie candy too!!!! thank you thank you thank you!!!!!...hhahha..ironically....the both of us had to go to the loo for some big cakes business...hahaha....so funny that we both had to go at the same time....quite a nasty experience..but anyway..I felt more comfy after that...=)

Went to MPH to look for some books...she opened my eyes to the types of books she liked to read....hahaha....I was enlighteend....I too showed her my type of books...haha...imagine how considerate she was to take a look at my interests...=)...yeap...I wihed we could have a mini library like that..filled with books...story books and others...and huge armchairs....hmmmm...well..prolly next time...hahaha...she tried to catch a movie after scouting 'Nici' ...but the timing was quite out...hahaha...

After that...the tummy ache came a lil...and the best option was to go home....it was indeed such a nice day....we drove back along the LDP ....had a warm time in the car^^ talking and other stuff....when we reached the Sunway Medical Centre junction...haha...it was then when we decided that the day was still young....and we didnt want to go home just yet...hahahah...crazily...I found myself reverse parking in the Pyramid Hotel...as we walked along the walkway...bumped into Bekah and Jesslyn...hahahaha...funny that they were there as well...then as we entered the Pyramid shopping mall...realzied that my wallet was in the car..backtracked towards the lift..haha...when we forgot what floor we actually parked the car...=(.....noneetheless...managed to find it after a few attempts...walked to Pyramids Cinema and looked at show times...I just wanetd to spend time with you after such a memorable day....watching a movie would be a good idea we thought...unfortunately...the timing was not nice as well...haha...

We then agreed that It was about time to go home...not a good idea if we went out for sucha long time today....took a slow drive home..talked yet again....haih....reached back to where your car was....exchanged the stuff and organized them...then I watched as you walked back to your car....with a smile on your face....

All in all.....I would just like to say that....my bestest friend in the whole wide world.....has been you the whole time....I had the best time of my life...and Im sure you had yours too....I'm glad that I have found you...in this pool of people....It was indeed a really great outing....the outing did not really matter..what I felt struck me was that....the company you provided made me feel so warm and comfortable all round.....to yesterday and many many more times being with you.....ILY....

like you said....we are only 21 and 20....there are many more opportunities.....

my bestest friend.......indeed you are..........^^........

Signing off now...
TJ-kins.....

2010-09-09T21:17:00.001+08:00

I wish I could impress you with the piano........

2010-09-08T18:43:00.002+08:00

I am super glad that you liked and enjoyed your birthday...=)....seeing the smile on your face....would just brighten up my day......and knowing that youre happy.....just meant everything to me....

I knew...deep down that you would like the 'present'..especially the unexpectedness of it.....

What more could I want..than to see the joy and gratitude....from you....

I myself..enjoyed doing that present for you...=)...

Hmmm...I also had a warm time yesterday......thank you......from the bottom of my heart.....

I honestly hope to see you soon......hmmm......that would be nice....

2010-09-05T13:56:00.002+08:00

Somehow...I always tend to rest on my laurels...it is as if...I get contented so easily that I lose the motivation to further expand and improve a particular idea....haih...this applies to my assignments especially...I do them as fats as possible..then forget about them altogether...I guess thats a good thing in a way..but looking from it in a more realistic way...everything I do would eventually be stagnant and there would be no improvements at all...

Not only that...the plans that I have..be it studies/ running errands...always does seem to get screwed up..either by mostly by unprecedented events...ish ish...I guess lady luck has run out....hmmm

Ahh...those were my insignificant ramblings...to a more realistic note now....I got a shock when my handphone beeped at 2am yesterday.....for a moment...it scared me....no one would message me at such a late time.....unless of course it was you.....with the adrenaline pumping....I reached for the phone last night...I was almost certain it would be whom I expected to see popping up on the screen...indeed it was....

I got worried once again before seeing the contents....but the contents made my heart melt....it literally did...have you guys ever felt adrenaline pumping at an instant and then endorphins pumping the next instance?...haha..exactly my point...the small phrase was self explanatory....and it meant everything...I was about to doze off already..but that one stimulus kept me awake for another hour i think....how influential it was trust me...It was...

Only to be slightly marred by the rain the following morning....however...hearing your voice on a morning like that...could almost substitute anything....It was really so undescribable somewhat...

Perhaps....it really is...that....our actions now....keep us more calm....with regard to one another that is...

Thank you........

2010-09-03T23:18:00.001+08:00

Dang....how unlucky I am....=(....haih....seems like things just dont work out as well as they used to.....T.T

2010-09-02T23:54:00.003+08:00

I want to...reach out to you so so much....I know...I should not try to feel like this..but rather live life the way I want it to be....little did I realize that...what I really want is actually only you..

Every night...I feel the urge to text....haih....but I know...that I dont want to make things worse for this situation ....

I still need to remind myself not to let my fingers subconsciously scroll down the handphone contact list everytime I send a message to other people...especially when the intended recipient's name also starts with the same initials as yours...I have managed to do a lot of stuff over the past few days...but I feel I am not really happy myself...seeing what people do for fun..with the significant other...just missing the things that we used to do....haih...

Dang...I gotta try to stop moping....Its not gonna help much .....somehow that....everything could just be rewritten just like that...no complications..no buts..no 'if onlys'....hmm....

I sleep well...cuddling 'them' around me....waking up to still find them in my arms....feels really warm inside....

Anyway....nothing significant has happened over the past few days..cept that I got stung by a small bee/spider....haha....cute lil insect....but really painful at the same time...itchy...haih...

Oh...Pn Rohana's Birthday is today....just a random thing....

Wish I could have more dreams about you....haih....

2010-08-31T22:23:00.002+08:00

Thinking about someone can really bring a smile to your face..especially when that person is so special in your life....you think about the things that you love to do..imagine that person right beside you ...could just make your day...at least I think so...

Sometimes....I do feel lonely and different altogether...but taking everything into consideration, with the amount of free time that we have, would do people like us good for now....though it is sad to say...that we are stressing each other out being so close currently....hopefully things would change and time would heal...

It was not supposed to be like this....everything just piled up and added salt to the wounds...right now....the distance would help....I guess...

Thinking about that person so much still...especially when Im alone at night before bed...haih...thats when most of the emotions come...but I usually sleep it off....haih...last night...I had a dream....was quite a pleasant one at first....but turned out pretty sour in the end....ish...

During the day...there is alot to occupy me that I dont really feel the loneliness.....haih...only at night...with the memorabilia in the room especially..
Haih....I do take comfort knowing that youre still there....and are still keeping the other half on me....

If patience it is....then I would wait....till everything is cleared....before we pursue...what was never lost...but remains to be enhanced and nurtured...

Tomorrow's Breast Examination day.....not really looking forward to it I must admit..would rather stay at home.....haih....anyway...at least its something new...hmmm....

haih....how are you holding up?....

2010-08-31T00:08:00.001+08:00

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

2010-08-29T11:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday went quite alright for me if you asked me...hopefully things would continue like that....for me...I sincerely want to believe that you are doing alright at the other end....

I think about you a lot...almost everytime...almost everything relates back to you...from the songs on the radio...from the conversations of my friends...from the very shirt that i wear right now...has an element of you within...and glad I am....it nearly puts a smile on my face everytime I see something....

I guess the tension for me has died down a little after just one day...I loved the time that we had....now the feeling is somewhat different..doing things at my own leisure...but it also feels the same ....because I know deep down..that you are still here...albeit the distance that kept us apart...and the time factor also...

I dont want to be emo....and I am glad to say that I went thru yesterday quite alright and unscathed...remember,,,there are so many things that remind me of you....you have really been an influence in my life...someone that I look to for almost anything...and trust me...I dont want that to stop anytime soon...

Hopefully....you too have had some time to yourself as of now....of course..there are other obstacles to encounter...and we may stumble...and fall....but perhaps you would feel better in having less to juggle with....

Lastly....I believe that the roads we are taking will lead us straight back to each other....Like you mentioned...back at one...

I still find my fingers scrolling down the contact list and selecting your name everytime I send a text msg to someone else....I guess this is what we call 'implicit memory'...well....I would have to be more conscious ...

Take care you....

TJ

2010-08-28T13:27:00.003+08:00

You were right....I should not have judged you according to what I saw before me..instead I should just have lent you a ear...

You and I have been busy lately...and we will be even more as the final exams approach...Though we might not be seeing each other for quite some time...I take comfort in the fact that I havent totally lost contact with you....reading your blog tells me what is on your mind...you can blog about anything at all, it does not just have to be always sad and stuff like that..for I would like to see you being yourself after a long time. I know that we have always restricted ourselves the past few years. It would be good if we could go on with life for a little bit ,taking some time off....that way we would not be hurting each other as the damage has already been done so badly...

We have our own things to do right now....and therefore we may focus a lot more in getting thru our academic year...for you....perhaps there are more ghosts that you may have to exorcise....but whatever it is...I hope....as still the person closest to you....to make the best of everything that you have...enjoy yourself when you feel like it...go out with your friends....do things that you as yourself like to do...I guess...I know you too well...that whatever you do...you would still do it responsibly...and within the limits...I need not even worry about that...for you have great principles in life...

Our circle of friends might be different....someday...I hope...we could all meet up and perhaps get to know each of the circles better....I do not bother if they judge you or not...for it is you....who is special to me....whatever people say...shall not shake the foundations and the perceptions that I hold towards you...everything about you...I have known....right now, I guess the demands of life is just too much for any of us to take...we cant go on hurting each other like this...when in actual fact...none of us are really at fault at all...I believe that it is just that we have been too pre-occupied with things that this fell apart....no...not fall apart....just a stumbling stone....

This is the first day that we go on with our lives like that...before signing off...I would just like you to know that, whatever it is....though there is less contact...you will always have a place in my mind and heart....knowing that you are there....allows me to go on....there were many events happening simultaneously over the past year....as of now...let us keep the nice memories and put those darker ones behind us....I hope so.....It would be nice...if we dont bombard each other anymore for now....let things be..I dont know about you...but I will always be a regular visitor to your site...for that shall the main link just between you and m3.....

Yes...it is true..your best days are ahead of you....live it to the fullest....but responsibly....
I'll try to myself....Lastly.....I would wait....anytime...anyhow...for I believe...you are the only one....for no one else will ever come close....
The pictures in my room...toffee...cJ...hines...Huggables...shall keep me strong....the name that I carry...TJ....will always remind me....

TJ....

2010-08-28T00:35:00.001+08:00

what happens...when you only have half a heart left?.......I did not want you to go so soon....but your body actions made me just let go....after all..I dont have any right to barr you from going out.....

If this whole lay off would allow us to heal...then I would....take part in it...

I guess blogging shall be the only method of communication from now on....Dont mind me and my worries in subsequent blog posts....I will pick myself up.....You just have to know that.....I am right here.....though we dont talk....but....know that you can always look for me for support....when all else fails.....damn im getting dramatic....

Anyhow....you can be rest assured that I am not going anywhere.....as immature as this may sound....'It is either you, or no one else'......

I hope you have time for yourself and do everything that you want to...and ultimately...be yourself....
You neednt worry about me...I shall be just fine....I on the other hand....will always be here for you..some way or another...whether youre happy or sad...I vow to be here...Like the 'blog' captions.....no one else comes close T.T

2010-08-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

Can I go on without you?....perhaps you might....right now...I cant.....

2010-08-26T23:19:00.001+08:00

Who was I kidding to say that I could go on abruptly stopping contact.....only myself.....

2010-08-26T07:17:00.003+08:00

Perhaps this will do us good.....but just know that you always have someone to count right here kay.....

Imma try being myself.....and I sincerely pray...that things would eventually turn out fine eventually...

Toffee, CJ, Hines and Huggables will keep my company for now......

2010-08-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

You would already know...that I am committed to you...Though things may not be always happy and green....I have been through so much hand in hand with you to already know what to expect....

I am glad that you accepted the gifts....and also the fact that you still find time to go out....I believe all that remains is just that....the thing that I have also anticipated...

I always wanted to make the whole thing meaningful and eventful...something that would further convince you that I am here to stay for good....fortunately....some of the actions have given me more hope to spur me on...till that day...I so indirectly implied that....however....the message was unclear still....

Given the circumstances...like you said....hopefully things would go my way....

Ending all there is just too much to bear for me......I cannot come to terms with that.....after all...you and you....push me on...from this dream....that hopefully I would awake to find myself hand in hand with you once again....

I shan't tell you when.....but I will.....

2010-08-23T23:24:00.001+08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

2010-08-22T20:56:00.003+08:00

apart from what im going through....I would like to 'open' your eyes to this little article........have a good read.....

moral of the story?: treat everyone equally.......such a good eye-opening story...

2010-08-21T10:15:00.001+08:00

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

2010-08-18T20:36:00.002+08:00

I just can't wait for the exams to be over...haih...its been far too long now....everyday...I see myself....suffering in silence...wanting to reach out to you.....yet can't find the guts to do just that....Also dont know when the right time is....

Little did I know that these things kill me inside day by day...I go to school with the smile on my face.......but people dont know how I feel inside.....the feeling of wanting.....wanting just you.....to be by your side....

I feel lonely and sick....looking at the lecture slides.....thinking...why is what I am studying even relevant if I cannot reach out to you....there would be no point...I feel as if..there is nothing left to work for....seriously speaking...but of course not dumb enough to do stupid things....

Looking at how happy people around me are..their laughter.....I wish for once in a long time...I could actually share their laughter...without the pain keeping me from my usual self...

I just need you.........thru this world......
Crudely speaking: life has not much of a meaning without you in it....no point studying.....or doing anything....if there isnt an aim and more importantly a source of inspiration any longer..

Just need you..........